What is Marriage Mentoring?

How do couples learn to have a good marriage? Certainly you are influenced by what you read or see. That may be an advertisement, something you hear on the radio or in a song. In the field of marriage relationships you may be influenced by a book or a sermon or a magazine article. You may even attend a workshop or enrichment weekend specifically aimed at relationships. But marriage is a value we hold; a commitment to another person for a lifetime, and our major source of learning about values is from the example of other people. We say to ourselves "that seems pretty good or worthwhile and that's how you do it." This modelling generally comes from our parents and then from other couples we meet in society. Of course we then put our own unique stamp on how we go about our own relationship but the main picture we have about how a marriage should be conducted is gained from other marriages. In Australian society the perceived value, quantity and quality of good marriages is declining. The best way to reverse this trend is for happily married couples to make a positive influence on other couples with whom they interact and to do this consciously. This, in a nutshell, is marriage mentoring.

Practically speaking, marriage mentoring is a fancy name for catching up with another couple, and talking about your marriage. Sometimes discussing personal issues can be difficult, so marriage mentoring is an approach that can make this process much easier, and more effective. For example, you won't end up chatting about your kids instead! We'll have an e-book on the website some time in 2008, but until then here are a few steps to get your started:

1. Find a couple who have been married for longer than you, and ask them to be your marriage mentors.

2. They will look confused, so explain to them what marriage mentoring is.

3. Catch up with them every 2 months (or whatever works), with the purpose of discussing your marriage.

4. When your first see each other, the first question should be, "How's married life?" or "How's your marriage?" or something similar. Sometimes you mightn't have much to talk about, but sometimes you will. Remember that your mentors won't have all the answers. Sometimes you might even find that your marriage seems 'better' than theirs! That doesn't really matter. Just discussing things with another couple helps to put things in perspective, and helps you to move forward.

5. Encourage your mentors to find some mentors for themselves.

6. Let us know about your experience with mentoring!

For more information about marriage mentoring, this site is full of information. http://www.marriagementorsite.com/