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Only Fix it When it Needs Mending?
When we are talking to people about Marriage.com.au we find that people often confuse our work with agencies in Marriage Counselling and Therapy. There seems to be a common mindset in our society that in order to do anything about your relationship you must first be in some kind of "difficulty" that requires "fixing". Sort of like taking your car to the mechanics for a repair rather than a regular service or tune up. The other assumption is that this "fixing" can only be done by people who have some academic qualification and that average married couples should stay out of the business of attending to other couple's "problems".
It is interesting to read comments by Proffessor William Doherty, director of the Marriage and Therapy Programme at the University of Minnesotta. He casts serious doubts as to the effectiveness of couple therapy and claims that most counsellors are not good at helping couples....even putting the marriage at risk. He says this is partly because most counsellors are taking a neutral stance about the value of marriage and are not communicating the importance of saving the marriage in the counselling session. We have certainly met many counsellors and therapists who are not happily married.
Don't get us wrong. There are times when good counselling by a well trained person is very appropriate. However, if we are to create a climate in which marriages can thrive, the initiative and leadership must come from married couples who can put the focus on possibilities instead of on problems. We like to think of Marriage.com.au as a marital gymnasium rather than a marital hospital. Whilst there are situations that call for therapy and some couples do have to separate, the majority of couples need something much less costly and much more available. They need the continuous support of other couples to encourage their sense of committment to each other and help them grow in their marriage. This can also be helped by pro-marriage policies at Government level, church level, and community level.
Marriage.com.au is sometimes involved in preparing couples for marriage. We are always impressed with the energy, positiveness, and altruism of the young couples involved. They really want to make their dreams work.
They should't have to do it on their own.
