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Are men really from Mars?
Are men really from Mars?
In popular relationship books, men and women are often portrayed as being fundamentally different both physically and behaviorally. These explanations help us to understand why men don't listen and women can't read maps, as Alan and Barbara Peace's book suggests.
Science tells another story, with some researchers emphasizing the differences between sexes, and others pointing out that such differences are only general, and aren't applicable at an individual level. For example, men tend to be better at reading maps, but there are plenty of women who would prove this generalization incorrect!
Along with the trend towards total gender equality, this sort of disagreement has led to a lot of confusion about what it means to be male or female. For many men, a feeling of responsibility to provide for one's family has been replaced by a fear of failure, inadequacy, and procrastination. For many women, a deep sense of satisfaction as a result of supporting and encouraging her husband, and looking after her family has been replaced by stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. These are only trends, but the impact of these trends on our society is cause for concern.
The problem for men...
A man wants his wife to encourage and support him. Instead, he often receives criticism and complaints. His wife takes responsibility for most areas of family life, and the husband no longer participates fully in the relationship out of fear that he won't be able to match his partner's expectations. He becomes scared, disconnected, and procrastinates.
The problem for women...
A woman wants her husband to get involved, and be a 'real man'. She wants to be protected and provided for, whilst being respected and honored. She wants her husband to share responsibility for family matters and basically get off his butt! However, if her husband is disconnected and procrastinating, the woman takes on all the responsibility because that's the only way she can make things work.
What can we do about it?
As married couples, we need to be clear about our roles as men and women. Despite our equal worth, we have some fundamental differences which cannot be overlooked. These differences can be explained evolutionarily, scientifically, sociologically, or even biblically. However it is explained, it is simply a truth that must be acknowledged and supported.
If you're a man: Get off your butt and start taking responsibility! Get involved with your wife, your relationship, and the family. At times it may be tough and you may feel alone with your wife resisting change. However, if you want to build a strong relationship and a healthy family and are not happy with how things are at the moment you need to take action.
If you're a woman: Encourage and support your husband, and give him space to be a man. He really needs your help. You may have to let go of some of the responsibility even though he may not do things as well as you do! However, if you want him to stand up and be a 'real man', then it'll be worth the effort!
Negotiating and re-negotiating the balance of responsibilities is essential.
