Why Get Married?

If so many couples live together prior to getting marriage and if most of those couples don't have a strong belief in, or allegiance to the power of institutions who confer on them the idea of “marriage” then why do so many couples get married? When asked why they are getting married most couples will say something about loving each other, (as if they didn't already). When the vagueness and inadequacy of this answer is pointed out the response becomes a little more detailed and varied.

These are examples of what couples say:
“We want to make a public announcement of our commitment to friends and relatives”
 “We think that we will start having children and we would like them to have married parents”
 “Our friends and family are putting subtle pressure on is by regularly asking us about it”
 “ We like the sound of the words 'husband' and 'wife' rather than saying we are with our partner or boyfriend
. “ We want to make a more formal and affirming  statement to each other about our commitment to each other.”
 “ I have always dreamed of the idea of a wedding for myself when the focus will be on me, and I don't want to miss out on such a special day”

Most couples consider marriage as being a ceremony involving a vow about commitment to each other for life in front of other witnesses. It is as if they voluntarily make themselves accountable to someone other than themselves for the success of their relationship. It seems this vow can be made more definite and have greater strength and meaning if it is placed within a ceremony often involving traditions dating back many centuries. The place of this ceremony also seems important to the couple as they seek somewhere aesthetic, natural, or even grandeur, to make the day more memorable. The involvement of friends and relatives is almost a universal ideal, as is the   attempt to make the ceremony customised to the couples requirements.

It seems that nearly every young girl dreams of a wedding day when all the focus is on her and she can feel complete. Merely living together doesn't fulfil this picture and whilst western culture no longer applies the same degree of pressure on couples to get married, the fulfilment of the picture remains as strong as ever.

The difficulty faced by many modern couples is the desire to have a day which formalises their commitment to each other and so belong to the idea and institution of marriage, when they have had little experience or sense of connection to institutions which will most support that sense of belonging. Here is another way to put this: Couples want  witnesses and approving support for their relationship which provides a substance, permanence and “concreteness” to their vow (something many of their parents or grandparents had and is embedded in traditions of the past which created the idea of what marriage means). However most young couples have grown up in a society which values independence in thought and action from past ways and the institutions which cultivated the marriage tradition. 
This makes it that much more difficult for couples to have an “authentic' wedding where personal desires and traditional context are both catered for. It is fortunate that genuine love can truly conquer all .