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Independence or dependence?
One of the trickiest things to work out in your marriage is to get the right balance between independence and dependence. Some people sometimes feel like they are being smothered by their partner when they are being continually pursued and not given a chance to do their own thing. Others yearn for much more closeness and fear the withdrawal of their partner whenever they want to get close. It seems to them that the more they yearn for intimacy the more their partner shies away from it.
This difference in needs probably stems from childhood experiences and the feelings may often repeat themselves during your lifetime. This means that when your partner takes up a new hobby or other friendships you may well feel abandoned. Or when Your partner continuously wants cuddles and have you stay around the house. You may feel trapped or think that the demand and reliance on you is too great.
When you hear your partner tell you about this type of problem don't dismiss it. Take into account the way they are feeling because of past history, and remember that your fears may seem just as irrational to them. Tell your partner how it is for you, and ask them to change behaviour, if that is what you want. Remember, you have the right to state what you are wanting and how you are feeling, but ultimately you cannot make your partner change their way of being. It's up to them!
