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Reflections on dating
My memories of early dating were of immense self consciousness and a desire not to do anything wrong.
I can think of hours preparing my appearance……my shower, my deodorant, my hair, my tie, my shoes, and my car. I felt like the girl I was going to take out would be continuously marking my appearance and performance and deeply feared rejection. I did not know when and if I should hold her hand and was aware of how clammy my hand felt. I asked tentative questions both to make conversation and to work out whether I actually liked her. Then if we had a good time I tried to sense whether she liked me enough before I dared ask her out again. Of course I did my best to not let any of this show on the outside as I wanted to appear self assured and a little sophisticated. If she did agree to go out with me again I would go home feeling on top of the world because someone out there liked me. However there were times when I did not want to date this person again. This could be that I had found someone better or I no longer liked their appearance, or decided we had little in common or even thought they reminded me of someone I did not like. I had a particular dislike for any girl with a high pitched voice. Whatever the reason I found it difficult to break up and would invent all sorts of stories so the girl would not think badly of me but I could still get the freedom I wanted. Until I got to know a girl really well most of my decisions about the relationship were based on what was in it for me. I liked the sexual excitement of a first encounter and the thrill of not knowing what would happen on our next date. I liked the idea of a girl trying to impress me and the fact that she looked at the world in an entirely different way from me.
Once I started really liking her and we had been dating for a while I think I began to look at a mental checklist or criteria to decide whether this one could be THE one. I would look at the girl’s mother to work out what she would be like as she got older. I would develop an idea of her values to see if they were similar to mine. I would review how relaxed and natural I felt in her presence and I would try and work out whether I was worthy of her. This last part was a sure sign things were getting serious and I was in love. This scared me a bit because it felt like I could be burning my bridges behind me and cutting off my options and sense of freedom. Fortunately as this was happening I got to know her more with time and the more I knew the more I liked.
End/beginning of story.
