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Seven Principles of Smart Relationships
Seven principles of smart relationships
1. Seek a good match – someone with common interests: Great relationships are built on common ground. Do you have similar interests and enjoy doing things together? Do you enjoy talking to each other and do you find each other interesting? Do you have similar attitudes about school and future goals? Are you roughly matched in energy levels?
2. Pay attention to values: Do you have similar values? What about your priorities? Are the values and moral-ethical or religious beliefs you hold most dearly shared and respected by this person? Are your values about drugs and alcohol shared as well as your sexual values and boundaries?
3. Don’t try to change someone into someone he or she is not: You will be sorely
disappointed if you enter a relationship thinking you can do a make-over and turn the person into the type of person you desire. Also, don’t be so desperate to be in a relationship or friendship that you fool yourself about who this person really is. Support someone in making the changes he or she wants to make, but also ask yourself if you like their basic personality.
4. Don’t change yourself to get someone’s love or friendship: Don’t try to pretend or be somebody or something you are not just to gain the other person’s love, friendship or acceptance. Real relationships aren’t based on phoney fronts. Recognize and build upon your strengths and work to make the changes and improvements on yourself that you have identified for yourself. Be real, be yourself, and remember nobody’s perfect.
5. Expect good communication: Explore your differences and pay attention to how you both deal with conflict. How well do you communicate? How do you handle anger? Is there willingness to learn and improve communication skills? Remember, how you communicate and handle conflict says a lot about your future happiness in this relationship.
6. Don’t play games, be phoney, or pressure someone: Don’t manipulate (for example, try to make someone jealous) or push someone to be in a relationship. Don’t pressure or use a power advantage to get someone to do something with which they are not comfortable. A worthy and equal relationship is genuine and real, not phoney. It is not one based on games, pretences, manipulations, or pressure.
7. Expect respect - have standards for what you expect: Have a standard for how you want to be treated and talked to. Expect respect for your values and boundaries regarding drugs, alcohol, and sex from a dating partner. Don’t tolerate disrespectful or abusive behaviour!
Source: Marline Pearson (2007) Love U2 [The Dibble Institute,
